From Tension To Trust: A Rider’s Guide To Letting Go

When I first began writing my latest book, I thought I understood what it meant to release old stories and move forward. I no longer wanted to compete or train with the intensity I had for years. I yearned to hang out with my horse, play with him, and simply enjoy the moment. But much like a horse who braces against the bit, I realized I was still holding tension. I was still gripping what needed to be released. Changing old patterns, letting go of ingrained beliefs, and giving myself permission to slow down were far harder than I expected.

So I paused, let the project breathe, and spent a few years learning my own lessons in softening, trust, and presence. As I continued writing the book and began practicing what I preached, both life and riding gradually became easier. I discovered that letting go isn’t about giving up, losing control, or walking away. Instead, it’s about creating space—for clarity, balance, and joy. Just as a horse performs best when given room to move and think, when you release tension, let go of outdated expectations, and soften your self judgment, you perform better too.

Here are some ways you can begin your journey of letting go:

1. Release the rein of “shoulds”.

We riders carry invisible expectations about our riding: how your horse should behave, how a ride should feel, or how others perceive your performance. You might also feel the pressure to compete, to go faster, and to manage your horse a certain way. These “shoulds” weigh you down, creating tension in your body and confusion in your horse. Letting go of even one “should” frees space for connection, clarity, and flow.

Next time you’re with your horse, ask yourself, “Which expectation am I clinging to that isn’t serving this moment?” Breathe, soften, and feel the tension lift—like slackening the rein just enough to invite trust. Step fully into the present moment.

2. Drop the weight of past mistakes.

Every rider has a fall, a misstep, or a lesson replayed endlessly in their mind. Holding onto these moments keeps you stuck in fear, frustration, or regret. Letting go doesn’t erase the past; it transforms it into wisdom, creating space for confidence.

When a memory surfaces, remind yourself: “I can learn from this without carrying it. My horse and I are here, now.” Feel the freedom that comes from leaving the old behind.

3. Step out of “What Ifs”.

Overthinking and second-guessing every movement, stride, or outcome—yours or your horse’s—creates tension and distraction. Shifting your focus from “what if” to “what is” allows you to notice subtle cues and opportunities for connection. Presence, rather than perfection, becomes your guide.

During your next ride, notice these small signs of connection: your horse’s softening jaw, the swing of the back, the rhythm of the stride. These moments are enough.

4. Soften self-criticism.

It’s easy to replay harsh inner narratives: “I’m not good enough,” “I should have ridden better,” or “My horse isn’t progressing fast enough.” Self-judgmental thoughts like these create tension, reduce confidence, and limit growth. Replacing these with compassion, like a supportive trainer would, fosters resilience and strengthens your partnership with your horse.

When you notice self-critical thoughts, pause and speak to yourself as you would to a rider you respect: “You’re learning. You and your horse are progressing. You are doing your best.” Feel the relaxation ripple through your body.

5. Clear the stall for new beginnings.

Letting go isn’t just about endings; it’s about making space for fresh starts. Old training patterns, outdated goals, or habits that no longer serve your partnership with your horse can block growth. By releasing them, you create room for innovation, creativity, and deeper connection.

Think of your horse’s stall or the tack room, and how they work best when they’re clear and organized. Your mindset is no different. Ask yourself, “What can I clear out today to make room for something new?” Whether it’s an old expectation, a routine that isn’t working, or an outdated mindset, release it to make space for growth.

Letting go isn’t a one-time act; it’s a practice that deepens over time, much like riding itself. Each time you soften a hand, release tension, and trust your horse, you move closer to balance, clarity, and connection. In life, letting go works the same way: each release creates space for presence, freedom, and a deeper, more lasting sense of fulfilment.

Notes on Letting Go by Susanna Newsonen is available on Amazon, offering guidance for anyone ready to lighten their load and move forward with confidence.

ABOUT THE AUTHOR:

Susanna Newsonen is a philosopher, writer, and poet based in a tiny village in rural Southern France.

She is on a mission to spread hope and love, around the world, one reader at a time.

Her books include Notes on Self-Love, Happiness is Here, Screw Finding Your Passion, and Horse Girl: A Journey Home.

Before becoming a full-time writer,

she was a sought-after life coach and keynote speaker when wearing her now-retired Happyologist hat. Her client list ranged across industries, including Brainwash Festival, American Express, BMW, Kellogg’s, and The School of Life. She has also been a TEDx speaker, an online columnist for Psychology Today, and a regular commentator in the media from the BBC to The Huffington Post and more. Her quotes and writing have been featured in a wide range of publications, including Psychologies magazine, Marie Claire, Women’s Health, The Guardian, and Thrive magazine.

In her free time, she is a dressage rider and horse lover. She also adores dogs and believes we can learn a lot from our four-legged furry friends. She inspires her following on Instagram at @susannanewsonen.

You can learn more about Susanna on her website here: susannanewsonen.com

This article is from the November issue of Equine Business Magazine