He’s Got Your Number: What A Young Colt Taught Me About Boundaries And Respect

Coal & Theo

We have a colt at the new ranch who is adorable! Big ole eyes, fuzzy and a long set of legs that proves to be a challenge for him as he grazes.

This is my first time being around a foal and as such there was much precaution when I entered the pasture. Over time, though, I became more comfortable, and he was docile. No kicking, maybe a nibble, but easily redirected. I had to be very aware of my surroundings knowing he really didn’t know his boundaries and while he was adorable, he was probably around 600 pounds. He would get too close, be a bit pushy and overall could be stubborn. I watched as others handled him so I could mirror their actions. His owner already had him halter trained, so he would let you halter him and lead him in and out of the pasture. Still, though, I had to be much more mindful of my position because he would crowd me. One afternoon we are getting ready to feed, and I say I will catch Coal. I watched others do it, and so I would simply do what they did, and they always made it look easy.

I put the halter on and begin to lead him out of the pasture when he pushes me a bit. I push back, with an ‘eh, eh’ sound that reminds me of being scolded by my grandmother. I guess that’s why we make that sound, we all heard the same thing. He starts to graze, so I say, ‘walk on’ and pull a bit. Nothing. I push a little to get him off balance and say, ‘walk on’. Nothing. Hmmm... no one else seems to have this issue. Then I hear… ‘Ha, he’s got your number!’. Huh? I’m doing what everyone else did- what am I missing?

Doing what I do best, I analyze the interaction. I still think I’m doing all the mechanics like others did so it must be me, my behavior, my mannerisms. Then I thought, maybe it’s not one interaction, but all the interactions I have with him. I may push him out of my space, but not too much. If he stops, I stop. And while I tried to get him going, he already won.

He is in the pasture with Theo, and Theo has taken on the father’s role nicely. He will correct Coal in an authoritative yet loving manner. Coal knows, oops, I’ve crossed the line. And, Theo is consistent with his corrections. I am none of those things, and… he’s got my number.

Once I recognized this, I was more consistent with my interactions with Coal and lovingly, yet with confidence, made corrections. I thought about this in my life, especially my work life. It can be very easy to fall in line with people you have been around for years. Boundaries have been established, roles established, and personalities understood. But, when new people enter the mix, they try to read you and will pick up on your interactions. Maybe you don’t like conflict, or debate. Perhaps you are trying to be liked so you pick up all the extra work. Maybe you push back, but do so in a way that shows you may cave easily. And then… they have your number.

By watching Theo interact with Coal, I learned you can be stern, set boundaries and be compassionate all at the same time. And, it’s not about Coal liking Theo, it's about Theo demanding his space and Coal respecting that. So, now before I raise my hand to do something I would rather not do just to be liked, I will think of Coal pushing on me and someone yelling ‘he’s got your number’.

Kimberlee & Theo

Kimberlee Delany

Life begins after 50, or when you decide to learn about horses! With a passion for animals and a quest for learning, it’s not surprising I began lessons after I turned 50.

With a BS in Psychology, I spent my career in technology, starting at the help desk and landing as a technical business advisor; doing all the techie steps that are needed in-between to cross that bridge.

Continuous improvement is the name of the game.

While growing in my career, I also started a fitness journey. Over the past twenty years, I have explored a variety of sports, from triathlons to Olympic weightlifting. I have competed in local events up and down the East Coast and, most recently, the Texas State Weightlifting Championship.

It all leads to this!

When you are around horses, you notice something, something within you is awakened. It doesn’t matter how old you are, there is something to uncover. In a quest for knowledge, and the sheer experience of discovering the mystery of ‘why I feel so at peace with horses’, I became certified in Equine Assisted Learning (EAL). Now, with a desire to share this amazing journey on how horses heal, I began journaling my experiences with horses and how they teach us about life.

This article is from the October issue of Equine Business Magazine