Giving Thanks: What A Changing Herd Taught Me About Trust

As Fall arrives in Texas, it brings that ‘nesty’ feeling. I would rather be at the ranch than anywhere else, enjoying the peace that comes with the herd. It wasn’t always so peaceful though, in late October we introduced Scout to the herd, a 15 year old Gypsy gelding and Theo wasn’t a fan. I have mentioned more than once in my journaling that I have a lot to learn regarding introducing a new horse to the herd. The thought of them entangling and getting hurt makes my heart pound and I know they can feel it, which only adds to the tension. Scout and Theo first met over the fence and seemed ok. It was like that for a few days, when we decided- it’s time to merge. We all take our place, open the gates, and then all hell breaks loose. The running, neighing, and… donkey kicks and bites! My heart! We were able to break them up, but then, there they go again. Oh Lord, this isn’t working. As my heart pounds, I quietly say to myself, ‘why can’t we all just get along’. After saying that out loud, I realized it was directed at the horses, but I meant much more than that.

We separate them again; we work Theo in the round pound and have Scout outside the round pen watching. We then switched and made sure that both walk by the other without incident. We waited another week and then took a different approach. We haltered both of them and had them walk alongside each other in the pasture. We put some hay in the feeder to see if they would share the space. The familiar ear pinning and rotation around the hay took place and then, all was calm. Theo emerged, alpha, and welcomed Scout to the table.

We have 4 horses in our little herd now and today, they are all sharing space, sharing hay and playing together. It wasn’t easy getting to that point, though, which made my thoughts drift to how this experience translates to meeting people later in life.

By the time we hit our 50's, we had a lifetime of experiences. We leave home after high school and meet new people. We may be in a different environment all together. We change jobs, hobbies, maybe even spouses. We move and we move some more. During that time we have accumulated some emotional scars. We were used, lied to, manipulated, shunned and over-looked. There were good times though too, it wasn’t all gloom and doom. But, the scars do remain, and it results in us remaining on guard. Over time, we are less likely to trust a newcomer because we are guarding our happiness and peace. I dare say, we were hardened over time.

Opening our hearts to someone new is tough. Is this just another heart break in the making? What’s your ‘agenda’? Gosh, just thinking about this makes me sad. I guess there is a fine line between being open and welcoming and being naïve. So, I watch the herd and think, uncertainty causes anxiety, which results in us lashing out. Humans aren’t quite as demonstrative as the herd interactions, but it’s there, growing, festering, eating us up. It’s as though Scout walked into the pasture and Theo said- I don’t dig your vibe and I don’t know your intentions. Instead of playing defense, Theo played offense and let Scout know, “I’m not the one, dude”. Now I wonder, did Scout think, “wow, chill out, I just want to hang out and share some hay”. What I am doing is called anthropomorphism and is not how to approach the animal kingdom. However, I’m learning the opposite may be true- how we view animal behavior reveals a lot about us so we can learn about ourselves through that type of interpretation.

Watching the herd introduction and how I interpreted it revealed to me that I am not the most open person when you first meet me. Why? Well, I protect myself from 50 years of hurt. I’m no saint, I’m sure I left a scar or two on some others too- we are all human, and we make mistakes. We hurt others and we get hurt. What I learned through the process is through gradual introduction they built trust. There was an acceptance of each other, and over the weeks that have passed I also noticed they tend to take comfort in each other.

This Thanksgiving, I’m reminded our herd may change, but that is God broadening my experiences and continuing to teach me. I am learning trust is built in time and with trust comes a comfort level which allows us to be genuine. I have learned to be open and to always leave room at the table for one more.

Kimberlee & Theo

Written by Kimberlee Delany

Life begins after 50, or when you decide to learn about horses! With a passion for animals and a quest for learning, it’s not surprising I began lessons after I turned 50.

With a BS in Psychology, I spent my career in technology, starting at the help desk and landing as a technical business advisor; doing all the techie steps that are needed in-between to cross that bridge.

Continuous improvement is the name of the game.

While growing in my career, I also started a fitness journey. Over the past twenty years, I have explored a variety of sports, from triathlons to Olympic weightlifting. I have competed in local events up and down the East Coast and, most recently, the Texas State Weightlifting Championship.

It all leads to this!

When you are around horses, you notice something, something within you is awakened. It doesn’t matter how old you are, there is something to uncover. In a quest for knowledge, and the sheer experience of discovering the mystery of ‘why I feel so at peace with horses’, I became certified in Equine Assisted Learning (EAL). Now, with a desire to share this amazing journey on how horses heal, I began journaling my experiences with horses and how they teach us about life.

This article is from the December issue of Equine Business Magazine