Listening With Our Eyes: What Horses Teach Us About Presence, Patience, and Understanding Others

We all have heard the phrase “Actions speak louder than words,” but it’s not until you are immersed in the herd that you begin to understand. As a matter of fact, I would conclude from my own experiences that you can only learn to truly listen by being with animals. People can, and will, say one thing and do another. People will send mixed messages that leave you stressed, depressed, confused, anxious, or all of the above. Animals, however, are quite clear when they are communicating to you, but you need to pay attention and tune into them, which means turning the focus away from yourself. And really, that is the lesson: we listen to understand, and we can only do that once we turn our focus outward.

If you have been with horses for any period of time, you know to watch their ears, nostrils, eyes, and tail, and I’m sure I’m missing a few. When you are riding, you know the cue they give you when they are going to canter before you ask. If you are like me, you learned that the hard way. I wasn’t ready, he was, and off we went. Probably took a few of those times before I noticed what he did right before we rode off into the sunset. So now, when I feel that change in his posture, I know I need to communicate back to him, “No, we aren’t doing that right now.” Watching horses interact with each other, you will also see the progression of warnings. You will see the ears, the movement, the reactions, and the result. I learned about Theo’s communication style by watching him with horses. He has a subtle way of getting his way, usually with his ears. He isn’t overly assertive, but he is assertive enough to get his point across. It did take a trainer to tell me why he always gets close to the tree when we are riding. I was having trouble turning, and it seemed like he always headed right for a tree. I knew he would never just run into a tree, but it always seemed like we might get too close for my leg. My trainer simply said, “He's trying to get you off.” That stinker. You can laugh; it’s ok.

The more time I spend with Theo, either riding or just in the pasture, I notice he always gives a cue before he does something. Before he lies down, he may circle and paw. Head high, he will call for something. When he hears the cookie bag, he will paw. I’m sure this is nothing new and not isolated to Theo, but now I start applying what I learned at the ranch to my outside life. Do people give a cue before they do something? Do they use a particular phrase before they ask for something, which differs from the phrase they use prior to a statement being made? Can you tell if someone is upset by their posture? How do we use that to communicate freely? How do we use that information to diffuse a tense situation? And then the real challenge: how do we spot that in ourselves? When this happens, I will immediately do that… And when I do that, it doesn’t end well.

In my Equine Assisted Learning class, I learned how horses can assist with life coaching. During the sessions we would work with horses, sometimes at liberty, sometimes haltered to perform different tasks. You learn a lot about yourself when you try to get a horse to move, and he simply says, “Nope, not today.” Your reaction at that moment is the same reaction you will have when you ask someone to do something, and they just say “no.” Though, remember, humans are not always direct in their communication style, so the “no” may be more passive/aggressive than outwardly saying, “no.”

They say, “The horse is your mirror.” The good, the bad, and the ugly, it’s all there to see, study, accept and then course correct. I have learned to practice the pause and to ground myself when I am in situations where I am confronted with stress. Breathing and sometimes saying out loud to calm down will have an instant effect. I am also learning to let go. Learning that I can not control everything is a hard road. Last night, at dusk, I watched Theo fuss with the horse in the next pasture. My heart raced as I watched the interactions. Their communication was clear, they were setting boundaries and Theo was letting Houston know he was not happy that his girlfriend, Church, was moved to the other pasture. I do believe he is jealous. I stood, leaning on a fence watching it all, knowing I shouldn’t get in the middle, and I would simply deal with whatever aftermath there was. Currently, I am going through a myriad of life changes and as I walked back to my car, I had to laugh to myself, that is how I will handle the change. It’s out of my control and I will deal with the aftermath, whatever it is.

Kimberlee & Theo

Written by Kimberlee Delany

Life begins after 50, or when you decide to learn about horses! With a passion for animals and a quest for learning, it’s not surprising I began lessons after I turned 50.

With a BS in Psychology, I spent my career in technology, starting at the help desk and landing as a technical business advisor; doing all the techie steps that are needed in-between to cross that bridge.

Continuous improvement is the name of the game.

While growing in my career, I also started a fitness journey. Over the past twenty years, I have explored a variety of sports, from triathlons to Olympic weightlifting. I have competed in local events up and down the East Coast and, most recently, the Texas State Weightlifting Championship.

It all leads to this!

When you are around horses, you notice something, something within you is awakened. It doesn’t matter how old you are, there is something to uncover. In a quest for knowledge, and the sheer experience of discovering the mystery of ‘why I feel so at peace with horses’, I became certified in Equine Assisted Learning (EAL). Now, with a desire to share this amazing journey on how horses heal, I began journaling my experiences with horses and how they teach us about life.

This article is from the November issue of Equine Business Magazine